Questions Only Moms Ask Themselves

Before becoming a mom, I had never asked the question, “Is it okay for this child to use my sock as toilet paper?” Or, after my two-year-old sprinkled her great grandparents ashes in her hair, I asked, “How much soap does it take to get human remains out of someone’s hair?” The answer: A lot. But I have asked these questions, now, and I can never go back.

1. Is that chocolate… or poop?

2. Oh crap, will anyone notice that I’m wearing two different shoes?

3. Ketchup totally counts as a vegetable, right?

4. How is it that I have a college education and I can not solve this second grade math problem?

5. Wrestling this person into her clothes counts as cardio, right?

6. Did my mom hide in the bathroom, too?

7. How long can a kid survive on just toast?

8. How long until someone actually dies from lack of sleep?

9. Is she really being nice, or does she want something from me?

10. Yikes! How long has it been since I actually looked at my eyebrows?


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